You Get it From Your Mother: don't let them take it from you.

There’s things we spend our whole lives hating about ourselves, wishing we could change, being made fun of for or talked down to because of.. until we have children and we see those very features in them and suddenly it’s something you fall in love with. I wish I spent less time hating these things in myself. I wish I spent more time finding people to surround myself with that loved them more. I'm not a perfect person, nor a perfect mother, and I will continue to make mistakes in this life. But you all are my greatest accomplishment and even on the days that it might not seem like so, I love you. Even on the days that I get lost or low and can't show you, I love you. Don't let the world change you.

Aeliana: you’re always happy. you’re always smiling. dancing. jumping around the room. some people say you have to wait until your kids get a little older to see their personality but I’ve always seen my kids right from the beginning, especially you. there was once a time where your mom was the life of the room whenever she walked in. and before that, her mother too. don’t ever let anyone take that from you. some people are unappeasable. some people are always unhappy. I don’t know if that’s a personality trait or if it’s the things life put them through but I can promise you there will come a time where you meet people who resent this in you. It’s important that you never let them turn you angry or mean. that you always light the room up when you walk in. that you stay that happy, smiley girl even when the world gets cold around you. be the sun. you and those big brown eyes. they say part of the key to happiness is yourself. you wake up everyday with a choice. you can choose to be angry or sad over your life or you can choose to accept it whatever it is and put a smile on your face and carry on. keep dancing around the room. mommy wasn't dealt the best hand of cards in this life, and neither was your grandmother, and grandma lost her light and was lost to the darkness. So it's imperative that you know that if ever mommy loses her way, that you remain the sun for those around you and keep leading them, people need the sun. but it can be a heavy burden to bear to always be the one so make sure you understand that some people aren't interested in finding their way, it's not your fault if you lose some, it's their choice. remember that even the sun goes down every. single. day and let's the moon take over while she rests. it's okay to rest, kid. some people will always prefer the moon. don't let them turn you cold. don't let them turn out the light in those big brown eyes.

Theo- you’re forever so curious and so loud. why this and why that. yelling all through the house. what time and what are we doing, who's going where, jumping off of everything. everything you do is so carefully thought out. some people will find you annoying or hard to deal with, they'll want you quieter, they'll refuse to give you answers, they'll be mad you keep asking. but there will never be a day where I want you to accept anything. we are not meant to be sheep. don’t ever just follow the herd. always keep asking the hard questions, don't ever shut up. challenge everything and everyone. that’s how change happens. and the world has to change, and keep changing. there will never be a time where we should sit complacent in anything. we can always do better. we can always work on something. but sometimes people don’t like to hear what they need to work on. most of the time, actually. tell them anyways. one day in school you'll learn about people like hitler and trump and you'll find that the reason they got so far is because people followed blindly. your intuition will never fail you. so when something is off, and you question it, don’t ever let them make you feel like you’re crazy. you’re far from it. but check your temper kid, you get that from mommy too. you can’t crash out every time things don’t go your way, people don’t take you seriously that way. you’ll forever just be the angry kid if that’s all you ever respond with. being angry at the world will only motivate you for so long until it burns you out. learn how to use that curious voice, to speak your mind too. learn how to use your words. and learn that if someone isn’t listening, it’s probably because they don’t want to, and someone who refuses to hear you, doesn’t deserve to anyways. walk away. it’s okay to walk away sometimes. the urge to stay too long waiting for someone to accept you is hereditary. you are who you are. don't let the world shut you up.

Madelynn: you don’t stop talking, to put it plainly. I remember my first report cards in school stating flat out that I was a great student, but I talked too much. but it was when I was quiet that I went unheard. it was when I was quiet that I was walked all over. it was when I was quiet that people thought it was okay to treat me poorly. silence never solved anything. so don’t let them shut you up. don’t let them tell you you talk too much, you don’t talk enough. and there’s nothing wrong with it. find people who love to talk with you. find people who will sit up all night talking with you about the planets and the world and your problems and who will never get sick of listening to you talk. find someone who thinks your voice is the best thing they’ve ever heard and when they get home from a long day the first thing they want to do is call you and listen to you talk about all of the things. our culture has become so rushed nowadays that nobody takes the time to sit down and talk and honestly, that’s our problem. that’s why relationships fail so easily, why nobody can get along or come to any agreements about anything, why we don’t understand each other anymore, why the world is consumed by electronics and social media. nobody knows how to sit and talk. not fight, not argue, not yell, just talk. you don’t talk too much. you're not too much. you’re talking to the wrong people. you’re talking in the wrong places. 

your mother will never be perfect. but she will always be a trying mom. but it was trying to be perfect for all of the wrong things and all of the wrong people that consumed your grandmother, and at some points in life, mommy too. there's not much i'm ashamed of or regret in this life, but that's something.

nobody likes to admit it, especially not the optimists, but the reality is that hate is often stronger than love. so it will be hard some days to not let it consume you. but you choose your hard in this world, don't forget that. you do. being miserable is hard, but so is being happy. being broke is hard, so is being rich, ask them. being employed is hard, so is being unemployed. being alone is hard, so is being with someone. you choose your hard. so don't let the world make you cold, don't let the world take the light out of your eyes, don't let them tell you you're crazy, be loud, keep talking, shake the earth to it's core and be proud of who you are. I am. and I always will be, even in your mistakes. learn from each other, one day you'll be all each other has. & know that the right people will hear you, see you, be faithful to you, cherish who you are, listen to you, choose you, and love you. find them. and remember, the grass will never be greener on the other side, it will only ever be green where you water it.

love you always,

mom.